Monday, September 15, 2014

Has God abandoned me.

Has God abandoned me.
No, never but from my experience with churches I have felt this way.
About a year and half ago my husband died and after that, basically
no one from the church I went to bothered with me.
God is not to blame, but as in Job, nothing happens unless God allows it.
God gave Satan permission to do bad things to Job.  So in that sense God is to
blame.  Being responsible for something is very close to being to blame. And what
God's reasons were are beyond our thoughts.  He is God and Lord of everything.
He has a perfect plan and we can only guess.  I believe His ultimate purpose is that
He might be glorified.  In the long run He is good and only has good intentions
towards us Hischildren.

Not long after I began going to a new church in Niagara Falls my husband got a foot
wound.  For a diabetic this is not good.  Praise the Lord we found a diabetic foot
doctor who was able to help some what.  At the same time we needed help.  I asked
the leadership at the church for help.  One person tried to help but couldn't, yet
no matter how much I begged for help no one else would.  It felt like the way I and my
family were treated when I was a little girl.  Only the pastor at the time offered to
come and pray for Jim.  I believe this time contributed to my grieving a lot of
childhood losses and perhaps added Post Traumatic Stress.

The church I knew then turned its back on me, my widowed and abused mother, and
baby sister too.  We even had to beg for water because the house we were in did not
have running water.

Aug. 30,2014
Just read this in the Psalms

Psalm 119:75
I know, Lord, that your laws are righteous,
and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me.

My father was killed accidentally when he worked for Toronto Hydro.  People wise no one
was there for us.  It seemed like we were condemned and thrown to the wolves.

You and I CANNOT rewrite history..we cannot whitewash the bad stuff...we cannot
UNDO the atrocities. we cannot change the HISTORY books. we cannot keep
hiding our heads in the sand. BUT we CAN learn from it and resolve that it does
NOT happen again.

I was accused of judging and badmouthing the people from the church I went to.  I
ask "Is it right to judge?

For instance, the Pharisees and teachers of the law knew the Word very well. They
followed it as closely as they possibly could. Yet Jesus said they were full of dead
men s bones. (Matthew 23:27) Was Jesus judging them? No, He was judging their
fruit, or the lack thereof.

and there are more examples.  When I speak I am using the scripture to help me
judge the fruits.
Is It Right to Judge?

I never ran any one down but I do judge the fruits.  I criticized the fruits
not the people.

Sept.12, 2014

Recently I found out I have a broken neck and this happened before my husband
died, perhaps almost 3 years ago.  I fell asleep standing up at a networking event,
probably because I was tired from working all the night before.  When they took me
to the hospital and did a cat scan they didn't find anything abnormal.  After a while
I started going to a chiropractor.  Along the way I often told him I was dealing with
spinning in my head when I turned in bed.  He also sent me for an x ray and found
nothing abnormal.  Recently after telling the chiropractor I still had the spinning
affect he sent me for another x ray but at a different angle.  That time he found
that I have a broken neck and some other abnormalties and suggested I get a
referral to a neurologist.  That was about 5 months ago.  After going to a local
health practitioner I am still waiting for an appointment.  I am not sure why the
group in Niagara Falls suggested I was disrupting their meetings (from my point
of view I was following their lead).  Perhaps only one time when I said I had to leave
I couldn't handle it.  Now I know why.  At that time all of a sudden I felt a lot of
stress in my head and thought it was due to blood pressure.  Now I know it was due
to my head/neck injury.  Then when Rob came at me with his fist it was worse.  The
neck, the spine and the central nervous system are all related.  When the spine is
out of kilter it pinches a lot of nerves.  It didn't take much to stress me physically.
The reason I am sharing this now is because I am still learning this.  I was totally
misjudged by some groups.  I never went to them with an agenda other than to find
their stand on widows and orphans.

I am complete in Jesus and there is nothing more that I can do, He did everything
for me and for you.  It was not by works of righteousness, but by His grace alone.
Ephesians 2:7,8,&9
7so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in
kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 8For by grace you have been saved through
faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; 9not as a result of works,
so that no one may boast.…

 Philippians 3:8,9&10
Knowing Christ is Above All
…8More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of
knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things,
and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, 9and may be found in Him,
not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is
through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of
faith, 10that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship
of His sufferings, being conformed to His death;… (I have already share much
of the above.)

Colossians 2:9,10&11
regardless of how I feel I am Alive in Christ forever,
…9For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form, 10and in Him you have
been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority; 11and in Him
you were also circumcised with a circumcision made without hands, in the removal
of the body of the flesh by the circumcision of Christ;…


  1. You've sure been through a lot Caroline, and my heart goes out to you. Thank you for seeking the Lord and staying true to the standards of His Word rather than man's. As you've discovered, Jesus never fails... and while we might not understand his works, we trust him for eternity.